Have you ever felt like D@$%!!!!!!!!!, I don't want to transform, expand, change, walk in spirit, or God-consciousness or no other type of consciousness, because THE TRUTH HURTS LIKE HELL!!! Maybe not you, but I sure have. Sometimes, I just want be left with the lie and wrapped up tight in the illusion, and will curse out the first person that tries to bring me anything that resembles the truth. When I ask you for the truth, then you give it to me, but if I don't ask you for it, then keep that S%$& to yourself!!! Okay, I know, you would never even think that. Right.
Well, that's how I've been feeling for a while and when my co--host and I started talking about doing a Show entitled, "I Can't Handle the Truth" I thought, wait a minute, I may have bitten off more than I can chew. LOL! At that moment, I clearly understood why many of us can't embrace the concept of truly becoming who we were created to be. Because walking in God-consciousness forces us at some point to face TRUTH's that threaten to overwhelm us and break our heart into a million little pieces. At the point of impact, all we can feel is the pain associated with the revelation and our Soul’s expansion seems so, so far away. We desperately want to find a way to shelter the lie, while still claiming to be our authentic self.
I woke up this morning with this truth pouring forth from my consciousness and here is what I heard. “I allow men into my life who don’t have the capacity to love me and then I pray for God to change them, when I should be praying for God to change me.” D$@%!!!! That’s not what I wanted to hear!!!!
I sat with that thought. I wanted to cry, but couldn’t because my tears can’t change truth. I felt pain in my shoulder and realized it was a representation of my refusal to acknowledge those words as truth in my life. My denial brought tension to my physical limbs and my body began to ache. I struggled with this truth because I’d prefer to linger under the illusion that this is the lie, because if it’s truth then with acceptance there is a responsibility to change me [not him].
Revelation leads to acceptance which proceeds transformation, and my Soul expands at the moment that I can honor the truth despite the painful facts and admit to myself that I give unconditional love, but most of the time, I’m willing to accept less than unconditional love in return. Now, that’s the truth and it hurts like hell.
Once the blind receives sight, who would go back and ask to have the Sunlight of a beautiful day taken away to be replaced with a lingering darkness? As with our own transformation, once truth is revealed even if we try to ignore it, we cannot erase the revelation which in essence causes it to be real. In the consciousness of God no lie can go unchallenged and no illusion undestroyed.
With this revelation comes my determination to leave my heart open for the return of unconditional love with a willingness to release those who are incapable [for whatever reason] of receiving or returning that love unto me. It requires me to relinquish all fear that there is no one capable of loving me unconditionally and embrace the understanding that as long as I expect or accept less, then I’ll receive less.
As I walk in a new level of consciousness it causes me to embrace change within me. I release all the false concepts that have caused me to believe that I can spiritually manuever [I'm being nice by not using the term spiritually manipulate] a man into a place that he himself has not willingly expanded too. Ok, I know some of you sister's deep in the Word [Bible] believe that the Scripture supports this premise. But go back and look again. Holla at your girl when you find the Scripture that says, "If you meet, date, or love a man you want to be your husband, just pray until he becomes the man you want and need him to be, cause God will change him against his will just for you." Maybe that's in Palms, chapter 201, verse 97. Exactly. Let me know when you find it because I've been looking everywhere for Biblical support to justify my delusional behavior. LOL!
In the meantime, this painful truth forces me to grow in consciousness or totally abandon my authentic self, which I refuse to do. So, I accept this revelation with the knowledge that when I embrace an illusion it stops the flow of truth and it is upon the wings of truth that my entire destiny unfolds.
Join us this coming Sat, Sept 10, @ 8am on "Becoming Who I AM" for our Show entitled "I Can't Handle The Truth" http://www.blogtalkradio.com/becoming_who_iam/2011/09/10/becoming-who-i-am