I woke up this morning thinking about the concept of “not missing a good thing until it’s gone.” That’s my life’s story. Time after time, we meet, we love, and for whatever reason, we part; and then a light bulb goes off in his head and bingo I was the “One.” And 99% of the time, by the time the light comes on for him, it’s gone off for me, and I’ve come to firmly realize that, “he wasn’t the One.” What is it that prevents us from recognizing all that we have with each other while we are still together? Is it that we become so comfortable with the gifts we each possess until they start to lose their glitter and shine after a while? Do we start to take each other for granted? Do we start to see an extraordinary love as ordinary? Or do we simply not fully understand how blessed we are to have someone in our life that love’s us just the way we are, flaws and all?
I’ve rarely been moved to reconciliation based upon “too late revelations.” Actually, I can’t recall ever going back to try to recapture something that he so obviously failed to comprehend the first time. More often than not, I’ve already laid everything that I had to offer out on the table and I have no new gifts to unveil. I gave my 80%, and that’s all I got. However, I’m still left with the question of why relationships seem to end before the revelation comes? Are we still looking for that “perfect mate”? Are we caught up in finding that missing 20%?
Is there something to the 80/20 Rule for relationships? Allow me to simplify the concept. The 80/20 Rule for relationships implies that in relationships we will only find 80% of the qualities that we desire in a mate at any given time. There is no “perfect mate” and no one will ever have 100% of the qualities that we are looking for. With the assumption that this rule is viable, the problem occurs when we never come to this realization and spend our entire lives looking for the “perfect mate.” We continue to search for someone who simply does not exist, and waste our lives going from relationship to relationship. Or we make the mistake of leaving that mate with 80% because we met someone with the other 20% that our current mate doesn’t have, only to learn far too late, that all our new mate has is the 20%.
And for those of us, who just may think there is something to the whole 80/20 rule, we have to then define what qualities matter the most to us. Unfortunately, many of us, select qualities like material possessions and physical looks. We choose the very qualities that are both subject to continuous change. The moment they do change, the love of our life becomes the next thing on our list for an upgrade.
If we are lucky, before it’s too late, we come to our moment of revelation and become conscious of the fact that there is no “perfect mate” only someone who is just right for us. We then conclude that those qualities that we can’t live without should consist mostly of things that money and looks simply can’t buy. A good man will eventually find a job and if the truth be told, a woman who truly feels loved by her man, doesn’t mind losing a little weight. But no amount of money or small waist and round hips can change someone with an evil spirit, a corrupt mind, and/or a cold heart. When we meet that man or woman and all they have is 80% of the qualities that we desire, if we are blessed enough to recognize them, I pray that we say to them, “If 80% is all you’ve got, then Baby, that’s all I’ll ever need.”